I will follow you into the dark.
Hey guys.

I feel as if I’ve just completely left everyone in the dark.
I’m doing okay, and I’m not homeless anymore
and I’m currently in this program where twice a week I meet with a group and it’s supposed to help me cope with everything.

Also, and probably most importantly to my followers:

I’ve been receiving a lot of hateful messages from people..I’m not exactly sure if it’s just one person, or a group..and I’m just not in the mood to deal with it anymore. It’s painful and all I’m trying to do right now is figure out why I do the things I do and why I think the way that I do.
I don’t want to be destructive anymore.
I need support, and unfortunately..this is not the place to get it.

I don’t have a cellphone,
and I don’t have facebook
but there are a few of you that are extremely supportive and I don’t just want to disappear forever.
With that being said I do have another Tumblr account, I’m not going to post the link..and I won’t be giving the link to everyone

but if you’re interested in staying in touch with me, let me know and I’ll link you over.

I might post this again tomorrow just so everyone sees it
but after that..I will no longer be using this blog.

do you have facebook?

Nope. I don’t right now.

Hi, you don't know me and I don't know you but I do follow you on here. Just wanted to tell you that you shouldn't let ANYone get you down. Not anyone in your personal life and most definitely not an anon on Tumblr. Whatever it is you're going through, you WILL make it out strong. The past is the past, we ALL make mistakes. You recognized yours so fuck everyone who judges you because of it. So, from this day forward, all smiles, stay positive and keep your head up. You are awesome *hugs* :)

Thank you very much for this. I’m used to a lot of anonymous hate so having someone who’s anonymous send me such a beautiful message like this one is so encouraging. I’m doing my best to stay positive and I think I’m making a lot of good decisions right now. I don’t know who you are, but I’m sending you a million hugs with my mind right now.

I am not the same person as you mentioned but I am glad you are not with Jared anymore because he deserves more and better. He never did a thing to you and you fucked him over cunt.

You know, everyone seems to think that everything that happened is ALL of my fault. It wasn’t, okay? We both made mistakes. We are BOTH to blame.
Obviously you don’t know a god damn thing about either of us.
I’m not with him right now because I KNOW I’m not good for him. I’m broken, and he does deserve better than that.
Don’t you dare say that to me because he aided in fucking ME up. I was cracked before, but he helped make me broken. He never did anything to me?
What about all of the lies he told? what about all of the girls he cheated on me with?
Yeah. I bet he never told you that, did he? I was told he cheated on me with at least seven different girls but he CONFIRMED there were at least five.
It doesn’t help that almost every single time I was supposed to see him it never failed that someone else had to tell me that he was cheating on me. Time after time all of these other people contibuted to breaking my heart.

I felt betrayed, and hideous. I still do.
I spend at least 70% of every.single.day crying and hating myself.
I spend 25 hours a week with a therapist just so I can try to figure out how to fix this. I spend over a quarter of my paycheck each month on medications alone just to I can get to sleep at night and not feel like I have to kill myself.

Don’t you dare think for one second that you know me and what we both went through. I know I hurt him, and I will punish myself for the rest of my life because of that. I will always love him, and I will always care for him, but he deserves someone who isn’t a broken mess of a person.

Think what you want.
It’s not like it matters anyway.

Dear Anonymous person that keeps leaving things in my ask box about Jared.

If you were trying to make me feel worthless and miserable, you know you have already succeeded.

So please just stop

Those extremely awkward moments in life.

I went to the store this morning to stock up on caffeine and I’m standing there in the isle when someone comes up and grabs my waist from behind to turn me around.
..it was this guy that I guess I technically dated for a while a few years ago that’s in the Navy now
and he was like “Hey! How have you been?!” and he tried to hug me like we have always been friends or something.

I just stood there for a second and all I wanted to say was “Oh, Hey! remember that time you got really drunk and threw my stuff out of your truck so it scattered all over the road because I wouldn’t let you have your keys to drive? then you chased me into my roommates house with a box knife screaming you were going to slit my throat and the people staying in the house had to call the cops?”

Ruined my entire morning.

I miss you. And haven't been around much lately. Work is killer, but I absolutely love it. Its pretty bad when everyone you know worries non stop, while I'm having such a ball.
I'm so sorry I haven't been able to talk with you, and it breaks my heart that I haven't. I also wanted to add that you are an amazingly lovely woman, and I couldn't ask for a better twin. You have a major piece of my heart and I love you so. <3

Ugh, I love and miss you so much. You don’t need to apologize, I haven’t been around either. I had my cell phone turned off and my internet use is pretty sporadic. How is everything at work going for you?! I know you’re tough so I’m sure you’re having a blast.

I stummbled upon your tumblr and i think we went to Highschool together? we never really talked then because the way you looked and the people you hung out with always intimidated me but reading your tumblr i see your really not as bad as i thought. I never really knew what to think of you but do you ever regret the choices you made? because like you were were defined as a slut because you lived with that wierd boy and not your family and you always hung out with kids that were older than you and stoners but you were still friends with preppy "indie" kids like kelse and a-dally is there anything you regret at all or miss? and whyd you get expelled?

Welp. This is probably the most awkward message I have ever received on Tumblr. I’m not even sure where to begin with this one.
First of all..I’m not really as bad as you thought? What made you believe I was a bad person if you never even talked to me?
I’m aware I was seen as one of the school “sluts” because my Freshman year I moved in with Layne [the so-called “weird” boy]
HOWEVER, what most people didn’t know about that situation was at the time I was already in a long term relationship [that lasted 4 years] with my boyfriend at the time. Layne and I were never involved and everyone who actually knew us was well aware of that. I considered him to be like a brother to me and at that point in time I didn’t have a “family” that I could live with.
I hung out with lots of different types of people, I never hung out with just one stereotyped group of individuals and I shouldn’t be defined by who I did and did not hang out with in High School. Preps, punks, posers, stoner kids, nerds, jocks, other cheerleaders, “emo” kids, goth kids, red necks, musicians, degenerates. I didn’t care who I hung out with as long as I enjoyed their company.
The only thing I regret is the way my friendship with a few people ended.

Also, I was never expelled from that High School. Everyone seems to think that because my second and third period classes were drug and alcohol counseling that when I left, I was expelled. [I even heard a rumor that I was expelled because I was a cutter]
The truth is, I left the High School of my own free will because I just didn’t want to be there anymore. So I dropped out my Sophomore year and started classes at the College and got my Diploma in just a few months.
I was; however, trespassed from the High Schools property for several other offenses that occurred AFTER I had already left.



Fuck you, so much.